This Can't Be Happening To Me!
by SpencerReidsOppositeCM
Summary: Johnny and Dally's death left a permanent scar on Pony. When he starts to talk to them, his brothers and friends might think he's crazy. Will he end up in the looney bin or can Ponyboy let go of their deaths and move on? I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS!
1. GraveYard Visit

This Can't Be Happening To Me!

An Outsiders Story 

**Darry's POV**

I had been worried about him, since Johnny and Dally's deaths; he hadn't come out of his room or anything. He quit eating and got less and less sleep, too. Soda had watching him closely, but he was getting tired as well.

"Darry…" Soda was starting to say something, but even the words couldn't come out of his mouth he was so tired. I sighed. Ponyboy was still in his room and he hadn't come out all week. What he did in there? I don't know, and I wasn't really worried about it, till now.

**Ponyboy's POV**

I rocked back and forth on my bed, staring into space. I had been doing that a lot lately. It scared Sodapop and Darry, but, I didn't care anymore. Life just drained away. Life didn't seem to exist to me anymore. Ugh. Now that Johnny and Dally were dead…I just couldn't cope with it. I had had suicidal thoughts but I couldn't tell my brothers. They'd take me to a physciatrist and it'd get all confusing. And I'd get a migraine from all of it.

"Ponyboy?"

It was Darry. He pounded at the door which was locked from anyone getting in. But I didn't want to see anyone right now. Instead, I stood up, opened the window and jumped out, running as fast as I could.

**Sodapop's POV**

Darry was pounding at our bedroom door. I sighed, looking up from dinner and to him.

"Is he even in there?" I asked, knowing Ponyboy. Darry's eyes widened and he aimed his shoulder at the door, throwing him against it, receiving a great amount of pain, but managed to knock down the door. I bolted out of my seat and to our room, seeing him not here.

"Wh-where is he?" I asked panicking.

"I don't know, Sodapop. We gotta find him. Call Two bit and Steve. Tell them to look out for Ponyboy." I did as was told, but stopped. I only knew one place he could be and sighed. I called anyway.

"Two bit?"

"Yeah? What is it buddy?" he asked, his voice faking the cheerfulness. My grim look never left my face.

"It's Ponyboy. He's missing. Keep a look out for him, please." Two bit made a gasp like noise and went quiet.

"Two bit?"

"Oh, yeah, sure thing buddy." Then I called up Steve.

"Hey Soda what's up?" he asked nonchalantly. I gulped.

"Steve – it's Pony – he's missing. Keep a look out for him, okay?" Steve sighed, but told me he would let me know if he saw him. I sighed and sat down on the couch, hoping he would come back.

**Pony's POV**

I took a walk in the cemetery – the place where my head got cleared the most often. I approached one grave, though and sat down in front of it. The wind howled and I shivered, forgetting to wear my jacket.

"It's my fault, Johnny," I cried, feeling tears brim my eyelids. "It's my fault you died, that you and Dallas died."

"No it's not." Who was that? Was it who I think it was or am I going crazy?

"No, you aint going crazy, Ponyboy." The voice said again. It his him. I turned beside me and nearly screamed.

"Stop screaming Pony! People are gonna think you're crazy!" Johnny's voice hissed at me. He was sitting cross legged beside me, looking like he did the day he ran into the church; same clothes, hair greased back and shiny, and he was solid and firm. I took a deep breath.

"Bu-but you're dead! Aren't you?" I asked, trying not to freak out. He smiled.

"Yes I am, Pony, yes I am. But it doesn't mean I leave." He said softly. I sighed.

"Well, then, aren't you supposed to be with God or something?" he laughed.

"In heaven you mean? Yes. It's nice up in heaven, it is. But I can't tell you anything about it." I sighed yet again.

"Dallas up there, too?" he nodded.

"Yep, and he's enjoying it." I chuckled. I never thought Dallas would be enjoying heaven. In fact, I never thought Dallas would go to heaven at all. I shook my head and thought about how it was my fault Johnny died..Again.

"You know it's my fault _you _died!" Johnny frowned.

"No, it aint your fault. It never was. You should be proud of saving those kids and it was my choice to follow you into the church and I'm proud I made that choice."

"But if I had just left the kids, you and Dal would still be alive!" I nearly sobbed. Johnny sighed in frustration.

"Ponyboy Curtis I don't want to hear that talk from you! You're gonna end up somewhere, someday and if you keep thinking about my death, it's gonna affect you!" I sighed.

"You're right." I quietly said and Johnny softly smiled.

"Just because one dies, doesn't mean you have to die, too. On the inside, anyway." I nodded and he stood up.

"I gotta go Ponyboy." I stood up too.

"Wait, Johnny before you go,"

"yeah?" I smiled.

"Tell Dallas I say hello." He laughed and nodded.

"I will. And don't forget, I'm always watching you, Ponyboy. We'll see each other again, just, hopefully not too soon." he said and disappeared as if he never was there at all. For the first time in a while, I smiled.

"See ya later, buddy." I said, looking up at the clouds and heading home.


	2. Flashbacks

**Sorry it's been forever since I updated. When I was writing this story I didn't know how to update on Fanfiction, but I know how to know :) DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS. All rights to S.E. Hinton!**

** Chapter Two: Flashbacks**

I had been feeling a bit better ever since what happened at the cemetery. My brothers didn't question it, so they didn't worry.

"Hey Pony wanna go to a drag race?" Soda asked grinning at me. And this time, it was a real grin. Not a fake one. I smiled back at him.

"Yeah, sure." We headed down to the track – that cars raced on – and stood among the rails and fences. I sighed, thinking about Johnny again, but the smile was still on my face.

"Ponyboy?" I turned to the voice. It was Johnny.

"I thought I wouldn't see you again!" I said, but in a whisper. Johnny sighed.

"Your imagination brings me here, Pony! It tells me that you need me or something. Come on man, you gotta let me go. Move on!" my bottom lip quivered as Sodapop came bouncing over.

"Hey Pony, who you talking to?" I froze and Johnny just looked at me. Soda didn't see him and Johnny sighed.

"No one." I mumbled and Soda shrugged. He had the attention span of a first grader I swear. Johnny turned to face me.

"Pony, I'm telling you now. Things could end badly for you if you don't stop thinking about my death, blaming yourself and what not. Be careful." And with that, he was gone. What did he mean though? How could it end badly? I was confused.

"Ponyboy you alright? You look a little pale." Sodapop said, staring at me now concerned. I looked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah I'm fine." I said lying. Truth was I wasn't fine. Johnny said he wasn't going to show up again and here he was, at a drag race. _Johnny always loved drag races…_

_Johnny and I were at the park. Darry had just hit me and I needed to cool off before I went home. _

"_Aint you about to freeze to death?" Johnny had asked me. I rubbed my arms up and down for warmth. _

"_You aint a woofin'." I said, seeing the whiteness form in my breath. I was about to point out the icicles on the fountain, when socs arrived. Suddenly everything flashed before my eyes. The socs taunting us and them running after us. I then found myself drowning in the fountain. I'm dying, I thought helplessly. Where's Johnny? There was a red haze and my mind slowly relaxed. _

_More images flashed through. _

_Seeing Dallas. _

_Hopping on and off the train _

_Cutting our hair_

_The Dairy Queen_

_The fire_

_The rumble_

_The hospital where Johnny was on his death bed…_

"_Stay Gold, Ponyboy, Stay Gold..." my heart was racing and I was screaming….._

"Ponyboy! Ponyboy!" Soda was shaking me awake and I jolted up, feeling sweat come down my forehead and tears stream down my face. His hand was on my shoulder, concern in his eyes.

"Was it..a nightmare again?" he asked. I nodded and I tried not to cry. Soda embraced me in a hug and I couldn't help but hug him back. I felt safe with him and I suddenly started to bawl. Dreaming about Johnny's death spooked me, and I couldn't help dream it.

"It's gonna be okay, Pony." He said reassuringly. I nodded and stood up.

"I'm gonna go get a drink. I'll be right back." I lied. He nodded and fell right back asleep within seconds. I actually wanted to sit on our front porch and look up at the stars. At where Johnny and Dallas were.

I tiptoed out onto the porch and sat down quietly, looking up at the stars. Johnny and I used to watch them together. _Used.._

"Ponyboy? You know you are only doing this to yourself, right?" I groaned.

"Johnny why are you here?" I asked not looking at him.

"Because you are asking for me to be here." I heard light footsteps come behind me and was scared for a minute.

"What are you talking about? I'm not asking for you." There was a laugh and I turned around to see someone anyone could recognize.

"Kid, johnnycakes is right. Your brain is asking for him to be here on earth when he can't be with you every passing moment." Dallas Winston took a seat beside me. He looked the same as he died; same clothes, same icy blue eyes and everything. I shook my head.

"Why are you guys here? You should be up in heaven! Not here!" I said, freaking out. Johnny placed his hand on my shoulder. I could feel his touch and it scared me even more, making me flinch a little.

"Pony, relax. Just let go of me and Dally's death, and everything will go back to normal…promise." I sighed. I wasn't sure if I all but believed him. But I nodded anyway.

"Okay." Johnny gave a somewhat smile.

"Alright, now go back to bed. You must be tired."

"Ponyboy?" Soda's voice echoed in the house. I turned to see Dally and Johnny gone. I sighed and walked back in.

"Pony? Are you okay? What were you doing outside?" Soda questioned me.

"I'm fine, promise." I said slouching back to my room and crawling back in bed.


	3. Everything's fineRight? Wrong!

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS!**

**.:Everything's fine..Right? Wrong!:.**

I got up the next morning and didn't think of Johnny's death, although it left a permanent mark on me ever since.

"morning Pony!" Soda said cheerfully, getting ready for work.

"morning." I mumbled to him. Darry then came in all dressed and ready for work. He looked over at me.

"You gonna be okay today?" I nodded.

"Yeah I'll be fine." He nodded and Two bit then walked in.

"Good Morning!" he said awful loud. I cringed a bit and he took a seat by me.

"So…" he said looking at me then at the Tv, turning it to mickey. I sighed and got up and out the door, followed by Soda, Steve and Darry.

"You be careful Pone." Darry said to me and walking to the car. I nodded and Soda looked at me.

"You heard Darry. I'll see ya later," he said ruffling my hair and heading to the truck. Two bit then came out.

"Watcha doing out here kid?" I shrugged.

"Just thinking I guess." He nodded grimly and started down the steps.

"I'm going to the movies later on, Wanna come?" I shrugged again but nodded.

"Sure."

**~Movies~**

**Two Bit's POV**

Pony and I had walked around all afternoon until the movie was beginning to start. It was cold out and I was glad for my leather jacket. We snuck in the movies, Pony and I. Pony was being quiet and I kept telling him jokes to lighten him up. It kind of worked.

"Are you alright kid?" I asked. He nodded.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." He said.

"Okay." I said reluctantly. Eventually, I wondered off to get a coke and popcorn for him, but instead, I found a cute blonde and went to her instead.

**Pony's POV**

I was sitting there by myself when I heard someone take a seat by me. I thought anyway.

"Kid, you gotta let it go." The recognizable voice said harshly to me. It was Dallas.

"What are you doing here?" I said, trying to make it look like I wasn't talking to anyone. He laughed.

"You know why." He said, tapping his head. I rolled my eyes. Dally could be such a smart alec, but he was always right.

"You gotta let us go Ponyboy. Or your life is just going to be trashed in depression or worse." He said, holding a fake cigarette in his fingers. I sighed and looked at him, trying to say why I couldn't, but he was gone. I huffed.

"Who were you talkin' to kid?" Two bit's voice asked behind me making me jump.

"Uh No one!" I said quickly. He grinned thinking I was lying, which I wasn't. But I had to because I didn't want him to think I was crazy.

"Pony, do you have an imaginary girlfriend?" he asked laughing. I glared at him then rolled my eyes.

"Whatever." I mumbled. Two bit shrugged and I sighed, watching the rest of the movie.

_We were at the movies and it was just me, Dally and Johnny. I remember it clearly. Sitting behind Marcia and Cherry...Dally picking on Cherry…..Dallas storming off….us sitting next to the girls and Two bit arriving…._

"Pony?" Two bit's voice started ringing in my head.

"huh?" I said confused for a second. He looked at me, concerned. His gray eyes showed it.

"Are you alright?" was I alright? I don't think I could ever answer that question in a life time.

"Yeah I'm fine." I lied. But in reality, I wasn't all that fine.


End file.
